I LOVE Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, where the shrewd and crotchety Ebaneezer Scrooge literally gets the bejesus scared into him by three ghosts, Christmas Past, Present, and Future. The Ghosts of Christmas Past and Future are the sad and scary ones but the ghostest with the mostest is, of course, The Ghost of Christmas Present, displayed in the George C. Scott adaptation of the story as the larger-than-life jolly joe with alluring opulence, and whose hairy and barreled chest could incite jealousy to the most virile of reindeer. Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, this tale offers many valuable life lessons that have the power to make every day, not just the holidays, merry and bright. In my opinion, the greatest lesson in this tale is offered by the Ghost of Christmas Present, and that, of course, is the gift of presence.
When I was in my mid-teens, I had a Christmas that I think I’ll remember for the rest of my life. There was nothing particularly special about it. It’s just the one I remember the most fondly. I remember putting together puzzles with my family, a fire in the hearth, and Christmas tunes on the stereo. I remember watching movies like, It’s A Wonderful Life, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and of course, A Christas Carol, all while eating Christmas goodies and generally being wrapped in the beautiful spirit of winter wonder and cheer.
One of the things I loved about that Christmas was the next-level gift wrapping we did. You know when you wrap a gift and it’s something with an uber-obvious shape like a tennis racket or something, and even though it’s wrapped up, it’s still uber-obvious what the present is? Well, my twin brother and I developed a method of wrapping gifts to uber-obfuscate the shape of any present while also making the presentation just as (and sometimes more) important than the actual gift. We were putting the presentation into the present and we called this over-the-top method of present wrapping, “Appendage Wrapping.”
I wrapped one present to function as working a catapult, a low-tech engineering feat which employed wrapping paper tubes and rubber bands to hurl balls of wrapping paper scraps across the room. My step-mom loves Diet Coke so I fashioned a working Coke machine from a refrigerator box—push a button and out popped a can of Diet Coke. Also, the American businessman, billionaire, and philanthropist Ross Perot had run for president about that time and I had created a present for my brother in the shape of Ross Perot, a puppet made from newspaper, Scotch tape, and dressed with an old sweatshirt. It really looked like Ross Perot, except I doubt that Ross actually wore oversized Goth sweatshirts adorned with the pallid apparition of Robert Smith from The Cure printed on the front. The puppet featured a plug emanating from its back with a sign that read, “Plug me in!” When you did, the puppet began speaking in the unmistakable voice of Dana Carvey from Saturday Night Live who made a hilarious Ross Perot parody, all of which emanated from a stereo buried somewhere in the dummy’s chest. I don’t even remember the gift I buried under all that flamboyant wrapping but I will always remember the way I wrapped it.
That was a truly magical Christmas for me, one that I will always remember with fondness. Yet if I’m not careful, those memories will haunt me like a curse of the Ghost of Christmas Past. This is because while it’s human nature to want to reproduce those things we felt were happy and good, it’s impossible to do so because all elements of that experience change and we become disappointed next year when we do all the same things but it doesn’t hold the same magic. Therefore something tragic occurs: we sacrifice the moment we are having now trying to reproduce the one we already had. Essentially, we attempt to “Appendage Wrap” the gift of this moment to make it look like something else and the sad result is like throwing away the gift with the wrapping paper.
Of course traditions are great and past memories are beautiful but I can give myself and my loved ones an incredible gift, one that’s somehow even better than a fabulous talking Ross Perot, by simply learning to be unfailingly present with what is, with the moment we are creating right now. With the joy of past memories as a guide, I can excitedly make new memories in this moment with the possibility of every year being the best holiday to date.
It is perhaps a little gratuitous to cajole you to be present during the holidays because it’s human nature to be conditioned to be otherwise. In truth, this kind of presence takes a little dedicated and regular practice.
This year, give Christmas presence.
Here are a few simple things to practice as safeguards against the curse of The Ghost of Christmas Past (or Future, for that matter).
First, mitigate your expectations. A student at a yoga retreat once taught me, “What are expectations but premeditated disappointments.” Amen to that! Without any expectations, you can be free to enjoy things simply for what they are.
Second, no comparisons. Teddy Roosevelt and others said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It takes perspective, openness, and willingness to see that each moment can be as beautiful as any other moment. Appreciate the past and hope for the future but don’t compare them to the present.
Third, be curious. Curiosity saves you from the confinement of comparison and allows you to open up to the possibilities of the present. Ask yourself questions like, “What am I appreciating at this time,” “What is illuminating my senses,” and “What can I be grateful for right now?”
Fourth, my magic mantra for happiness is, “This is exactly what I want to be doing at this moment.” Telling yourself this at any moment declares to the Universe and yourself your choice to be in the here and now and to appreciate it for what it is. It will enable you to look around and ask yourself why this moment is so great. You’ll be surprised at how even in the most challenging times how you can nonetheless find something miraculous.
Fifth, connect to simple pleasures. A simple pleasure could be simply delighting in your senses: enjoying the lights, smelling the pine trees, enjoying the colors. When I was a teenager, I used to walk through my favorite florist once a week or so, just to delight in my sense and treat myself. I never bought anything. Plus, the florist was located in an old Victorian house and I’d read that there was an actual ghost in the attic named Edna, apparently the original owner of the house, and I secretly hoped I would somehow see her. I enjoyed going once a week or so and literally stopping to smell the roses, all the while keeping my eyes open for a chance encounter with an apparition. I also practiced mitigated expectations vis a vis seeing the ghost which was good cuz I never did but still went for the roses.
Sixth, be creative. Creativity is it’s own gift. It is the art of using what’s currently at your disposal to make something new at the moment, like turning newspaper, a boombox, and a sweatshirt into a talking Ross Perot. Using our essential resource of curiosity, we open to possibilities and make something whether that be a unique gift, a curious way to wrap it, or simply create a moment.
Seventh, practice not having an opinion about things that really don’t matter. You may have read my story about how Lionel Richie is my Guru because he taught me that I don’t need to have an opinion about Soft Rock. I discovered my simple mantra, “I don’t need to have an opinion about that.” I told this story to a couple at a meditation class around the holidays one year who emailed me a few weeks later only to exclaim, “I don’t need to have an opinion about that” SAVED Christmas. God bless you, Lionel Richie.
Lastly, stay connected to your heart. The quote I live by is by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry in the Little Prince which says, “One only sees correctly with the heart. The essential is invisible to the eyes.” As you are planning and executing this holiday season, be connected to your heart in all you do and you can’t go wrong. Being connected to your heart facilitates gratitude and generosity. Ask yourself, “What do I love?” and go follow that because that will both anchor you to the moment and to what I believe is the ultimate truth: Love. Turns out the Beatles were right.
Do you have a favorite Christmas, one year that has stood out from all the rest? And if you don’t celebrate Christmas, maybe you have a different holiday, celebration, or birthday that really stands out as supreme. I’m sure if you took a moment to reflect you could practically bring this memory alive by remembering the events, colors, smells, people you were with, or perhaps just the way you felt at that moment.
After reveling in that memory, might I invite you to use these suggestions above to create a truly beautiful and new experience during the holidays this year. I will certainly lean on this list as a recipe for a merry holiday.
This year, living in France, we bought a Christmas plant rather than a tree. I might try my hand at some more “Appendage Wrapping.” We will certainly be remembering old traditions while making beaucoup new ones as well. This year, I’ll be practicing presence right along with you.
My prayer is that this year, we are all spared visitations from the Ghost of Christmas Past or Future but are treated to a royal visitation by the inimitable Ghost of Christmas Presence.
And hey, if you’re prone to seeing ghosts during the holidays and just happen to bump into a little ghost who lives in an old Victorian named Edna… tell her that I’m a big fan.
We are in full swing with the holidays and if you’re like me, sometimes it’s easy to get overwhelmed with gift giving. This is because:
We’re worried about the planet and we hate the idea of buying more “stuff” that is likely to end up in a landfill and cause our poor mother earth to shed yet more tears.
We have people on our list who are really, really hard to buy for.
We want to give something that will really benefit your loved ones but, what can do that?
Everyone needs less stress, more inner calm and is it possible to buy that for someone?
I’ve had so many requests to make my offerings easy to gift to others that this year I decided to create the Online Body Mind Spirit Boutique. Here, you can find a lovely gift for all those on your “nice” list, and some that might even help those on your “naughty” list.
You can set these gifts to drop down your loved one’s digital chimney on Christmas morning so they have a fun email to open on the big day with their gift attached. If you want something physical, you can also print a PDF graphic that comes with your purchase to wrap or put in a stocking.
Speaking of stocking stuffers, I even have a few freebies that you can give away with abandon like you are Ebaneezer Scrooge on Christmas Day. Plus, on the night before Christmas, when all through the house, when everyone’s sleeping, even you and your spouse, you will sleep extra peacefully that night knowing that this year you’re giving carbon-neutral gifts, with zero shipping time or environmental impact, and you're putting money into the pockets of someone OTHER than Jeff Bezos. Most importantly, you’ll be satisfied knowing that your loved ones are getting something to support them to be the person that they are destined to be.
I can’t wait for you to check these out.
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